My boyfriend and I have some really priceless moments at this local pet store chain, Pet Habitat.

Once, we were in the one at Metrotown, and were looking at the dogs on display behind a glass wall with other shoppers. One middle-aged woman leaned forward intently to peer at the dogs, and BAM, bashed her forehead against the glass. It wasn’t light, either—she hit her head so hard that the impact resounded through the store and made all the shoppers turn to look. It was all we could to do contain our laughter, and we ran into an aisle where she couldn’t see us before surrendering to mirth. The woman acted like nothing happened.

Then, today, at the Richmond Centre branch, we saw a Maltese puppy take a dump with its rear in full-frontal view. Extremely graphic. But the big shocker came when, after its business was completed, the dimwit turned around, sniffed its own fresh excrement, and started to eat it. We waited for the dog to realize that it was making a mistake, but it didn’t. Minutes passed and it continued to consume its own crap. The dog visibly enjoyed this activity, making sure to gobble up every last morsel till nothing was left, and repeatedly licked its chops in delight. The dog finished everything before the treats had even cooled off. It was definitely a priceless moment that will be forever cherished and looked back on with fondness.

I hate it when people say things like, “Just be yourself!” That’s such a stupid, clichéd piece of crap. Why should people “be themselves”? What if “being yourself” means that you should succumb to your psychotic sociopathic nature and become a serial killer?

Not to steal the thunder of people who keep repeating that phrase like a mantra, but please think about what you are saying. By telling people to be themselves, you are validating laziness and a lack of self-discipline, and suggesting that they should forgo efforts to improve themselves and instead just settle for “being themselves.”

If you’re one of those people who uses “Just be yourself” as a generic all-purpose advice line, then please: next time someone comes to you with a problem, and you’re thinking of saying, “Oh, just be yourself,” consider whether or not this person actually has traits meriting improvement. I’m sure that if you tried, you’d be able to find some actual good advice languishing deep in the recesses of your brain.

I’ve been browsing this site just now. It’s quite interesting, I learned a lot of unusual things that I didn’t know before!

Here are ten interesting ones to share with you:

1. The average chocolate bar has eight insect legs in it.
2. A pig’s willy is shaped like a corkscrew.
3. The film Titanic cost more than the Titanic itself.
4. Some whales commit suicide.
5. Kissing for one minute can burn 26 calories.
6. Albert Einstein could never remember his telephone number.
7. Most car horns beep in the F key.
8. Charlie Chaplin once came third in a Chaplin lookalike contest.
9. The longest fart recorded lasted 2 minutes 42 seconds.
10. 130 cups of tea would be a lethal dose of caffeine.

I hope you learned something new too.

Halloween:

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Happiness is simple.

I am happy.

Therefore, I am simple.